Tuesday, May 8, 2012

ON my Mind

It's late.  I'm still awake.  Can't sleep.  I've got my baby girl on my mind.  Our whole family is poised to find her!  We talk about her multiple times a day.  We all feel the urgency to find her and bring her home!  Heavenly Father always works this way, with our family...when it comes to finding a missing kiddo!  He fills me with an urgency to find them and I go through a "nesting" period, similar to a birth mother who is awaiting the arrival of her baby.

  Her room is ready to go!  Since we aren't sure if she's already born and a little older, or if she's not born yet, I've washed every age of baby girl clothes, from zero to 24 months.  We've always said that we'd be willing and excited to adopt a baby up to the age of 18 months, and could be hearing about a baby girl, tomorrow, who is somewhere around a year old, African American and whose birth mother is no longer able to parent her.  We shall see what Heavenly Father has in store for our family!  Please keep us in your prayers!  Describing what it's like to wait for a missing part of your family, and to search everywhere for her, is really difficult.  It's somewhat like being pregnant, I'm sure...and yet it's nothing like it.  We don't know when she'll be here. We don't know how old she'll be, either.  We don't know what to get ready for.  We've been ready for a newborn, but are trying not to counsel the Lord in His decision of which sweet baby girl is meant to be ours.  We are just trying to have open hearts and minds and just praying that we will know our baby girl, when we hear about her.  Please add your prayers to ours!

  Wiggle Bug had his 3 month Cardiology appt. on Friday.  The doctor is concerned as to the reason why his heart is still so large.  He sees no explanation for it, and so he's ordered a Diagnostic Cardiac Catheterization for Mr. Wiggle Bug.  They'll go in there with a camera, and take pictures of the heart to see if possible during his Open Heart Surgery (OHS), one or both coronary arteries were bumped somehow, which may have created scar tissue, partially blocking an artery and causing the decreased function in his heart.  I won't lie.  I'm nervous!  The Cardiologist dropped the words "heart transplant" about 6 months ago and decided we should try Wiggle Bug on Enalipril.  When that didn't help his heart any, and only decreased his quality of life (lots of naps, really moody and cranky, no increased heart function), he took him off of it.  Wiggles heart just has a mind of it's own and didn't respond to the Enalipril.  He's a medical miracle boy!  He amazes me with all that he goes through in his life, and how resilient and happy he is!  He's on a mission, that boy!  I'm tellin' ya'!  But now I have those words "Heart Transplant", looming in the back of my mind, with the knowledge that his heart function is still not good and that they don't know why!  So...I'm doing the only 2 things I know how to do:  1.  Pray!  2.  Learn about the heart, as much as I can!  (Okay, okay...there's a 3rd thing I'm doing...that would be eating chocolate and baking much more than I should!)  Between all the studying I'm doing about Wiggle Bug...and all the studying I'm doing about Ladybug (and all her gut issues), I should be earning a P.h.,d (or however you spell that), in Super Human Mommy Knowledge or something.  I still have SO much more to learn about!

     I am so grateful for the gals on my heart group on Facebook, who teach me so much everyday and who never make me feel like any of the questions I ask are stupid or silly.  They are a rock for me, and keep me from flying off the handle, with worry, and they help me learn and understand more all the time!  Whenever it is that we go up to get Baby Bug, I am definitely making time to meet as many of them as I can, somewhere!  I have found a kinship with them that transcends an internet chat group and has become such a strength for me!  Hugs to all the brave Heart Mama's out there who are such a wonderful support and example to me! I love em' all!

  Alas, I'm falling asleep now!  (Hearing me talk will do that to people...especially myself!)  I shall keep everyone posted about the goings on of our Rambling Castle, and of course, my handsome prince, and 5 wonderful lads and ladies!  May peace and joy attend us all!

Love,
The Lady Rambler