I didn't have a great weekend. I can think of lots of other weekends that have been greater than this past weekend. For reasons that I don't have the energy to go into, I experienced a lot of hurt this weekend. In an effort to make a wrong situation right, I dug myself into a hole with someone. For the first time in my life, that I can think of, I have been presented with an opportunity to pray for an enemy. This person is an enemy to me, not because I feel that way about them, but because they feel that way about me. At first, I thought it was solely because I had been misunderstood. Now, I understand, that it's because this person just plain, doesn't like me. I have come to the painful realization, that this person never did like me. This person used our family for their own benefit, all the while smiling and acting like a friend, while simultaneously disliking me, immensely. Many hurtful things were said to me, in my effort to make things right with this person. The interesting thing about all of this, is that I really believe this is an answer to some of my recent prayers. (Could I really have asked for this???) I wasn't asking to be criticized by any means. I wasn't asking to have an enemy either. I had been asking Heavenly Father, to help me be submissive and meek. I had been reading a little about will power vs. heart power, and the difference between the two. (See post from a few days ago.) Today, I picked up a book that I started reading a few weeks ago, called A Quiet Heart, by Patricia T. Holland. I had stopped reading in the middle of a chapter. Today, when I started reading again, it started talking about meekness. I learned that the definition of meekness is "quiet strength". Through many of the trials that have come in my life, Mr. Man would tell you that I often ask him "What does the Savior expect of me, in this instance?" I know He expects me to forgive, but I also know He doesn't expect me to be stupid. I loved this quote from the book: "I believe that what we learn from Moses and Joseph (Smith) is that meekness also means strength- strength to be yourself, your best self, and to resist those people, principles, and places that work to abuse you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I promise you that it is not God's will for you to be used and abused. Meekness means you must follow him where he will lead you, but he will always lead you away from, not toward, those who would fail to treat you with dignity and respect." She goes on to say that if we find ourselves in a situation where we are not being treated with dignity and respect, " I encourage you to meekly--which means with peaceful strength-- insist that a change in behavior is required if the relationship is to continue." Now, I won't be making any requests to this person, about them changing their behavior. I am staying clear away from this person. But I will pray for this person, that this person will find joy and fulfillment and something that is their own. I will pray that this person can be happy and that maybe someday we can be friends. I will pray for the desire and ability to let it go.
In my morning scripture study this morning, I read Luke 6:22, 23 which says:
22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man’s sake.
23 Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets.
Heavenly Father is mindful of my situation. He is just teaching me.