Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Catching My Breath (Vent Warning)

Life is moving way too fast for me! (Yep, folks...this is a vent post, so buckle up your seat belts! Sorry!) I seriously wish the world would just go away and let us relax for a while! A girl can dream, can't she?? :0) I am sure there are many of you, who can relate to this feeling. I am stressing out and I don't like it one bit! I don't think I could even begin to list all the things that are on my mind at any given moment! BUT...I'll try...because my brain is on overload and if I don't list it all and make some kind of sense of it somewhere, it just might explode! There is always something to be thinking about and doing. There's always a kiddo' that needs an appointment to see a doctor of some sort, always a test or procedure of some kind that one of them needs. (Today, it was Ladybug having her blood taken AGAIN...for the umpteen millionth time! Yesterday, it was Wiggle Bug at the orthopedist. He was supposed to see his cranial surgeon on Monday, but was so sick he couldn't go anywhere.) And they are precious and sweet, and deserve the best care! There's always cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, therapy, scheduling, meetings, phone calls, reading, tube feedings,job training for kiddo's,etc. that all need a piece of me. Not to mention, special time for each kiddo' and Mr. Man, personal prayers, personal scripture study, family prayers and scripture study, family home evening, homeschooling time, home school group responsibilities, etc. etc. etc. (I know you're all wondering why I don't have church listed...that's because I don't have any church responsibilities. I spend my Sunday's walking the halls with one or both of my girls, who have very real issues that are challenges for them at church and other public places.) Yikes! Am I the only one that never gets to sit for 2 seconds and just catch my breath? Seriously! It's not healthy for me, to be so stressed out and bogged down! And how do you say "No!" to things, when they are all important? A 6 Month "No!" does not exist in my world. What do I say "No!" to??? There's not a thing on my plate that's not important. Not one thing. So pardon me for a moment, while I have a bit of a pity party!

(*elevator music playing*............................)

I am having a hard time right now! I think I am finally realizing that I am not Wonder Woman, and it's a hard brick wall to hit! I can't do it all! But I HAVE to. My health is seriously at risk. I've gained about 15 pounds and lost countless hours of sleep. ("Then why are you blogging at 10 p.m. at night?", you ask? Writing or "typing" is a way that I can get my emotions and frustrations out. Plus...this blog serves as my journal, and I am just trying to prove to history, that I didn't have it all together all the time.) (Lest my Wonder Woman abilities fool anyone.) :0) I don't sit down during the day. I don't eat as often as I should, hence the weight gain. I don't drink enough water. I don't spend enough time with my scriptures. My studies are non-existent. I am in one of those situations where I have put myself last, every single time, and it's catching up to me. You's the whole empty cup thing. My cup is running on empty and I am finding it hard to fill it up, which is a very necessary thing,in order for me to keep filling everyone else's cup. So...I am going to go talk to the Lord again, tonight. Just to tell Him what's going on and how hard I am trying and how broken I feel. I am grateful to know He is real and the He listens to me. It's possible that I don't ask for His help enough. I just feel like I am meant to bear all of these burdens and that women have done this forever and that I have no room to complain or ask for help. I am supposed to be strong and have all the answers! I am supposed to have it all together and all figured out. Well, I don't. Right now, I am just trying to learn how to breath, all over again! I can't help but feel like a trip to Acapulco or something, is the only way for me to get a break from some of these things. Maybe I should go to a place that actually exists...because I've been to Crazy...and Crazy isn't working for me anymore!

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